Hitches to Getting Hitched | When “Yes” Should Mean “No!”

Hitches to Getting Hitched

By Janice Lane Palko

Every bride dreams of her wedding day and spends countless hours and considerable capital to make the big event perfect. But as the poet Robert Burns cautioned, even the best-laid plans can go awry. It wasn’t funny 25 years ago, but now Julie and Michael Barnes of McCandless Twp. can laugh about their wedding, which could otherwise be known as a series of unfortunate events.

On May 1, 1982, when the organ music began to play at St. Sebastian Church in Ross Township, Julie took her father’s arm and waited for the signal to begin the walk down the aisle. Julie waited and waited and waited while the organ played and played and played. “After some time went by, panic set in, and I thought, Oh no, he doesn’t want to get married,” Julie said. “And I began to cry.”

After several more anxiety-filled minutes elapsed, Julie’s brother finally came back and told her that her intended had had a bloody nose. Until that day, Michael had never had a bloody nose, but he made up for lost time by bleeding all over his tuxedo shirt. They had a difficult time stanching the flow, but after packing his nostrils with tissues, and switching shirts with the best man, the wedding commenced. Fifteen minutes behind schedule, Julie and her father proceeded down the aisle. She and Mike were married, albeit with the groom with tissues stuffed up his nose that made his recitation of the vows somewhat comical. “He sounded like he had a bad head cold,” said Julie.

The mishaps continued. When they left the reception, they discovered that their car’s battery had died, and when they went to the airport to board the flight for their Florida honeymoon, they learned that the flight had been changed, and they had missed it. They boarded the next day only to have their luggage loaded onto the wrong plane not once but twice—upon departure and on their connecting flight. They arrived at their destination a day later than expected only to find out that the hotel had given their room away.

“By the time everything got straightened out, we were at each others throats," Julie said. “But we figured if we could survive this, we could survive anything.”

Beth McLaughlin of McCandless Twp. didn’t have trouble with her groom, Philip, but the priest. “On the Wednesday before the wedding, the priest who was to officiate at our wedding called to say that his grandfather had passed away, and he had to go out of town for the funeral. Our parish priest was on sabbatical in Rome for a year. We were left without someone to marry us,” Beth McLaughlin said.

Beth said she remained calm but her mother was “having a coronary.” Beth, who was formerly a Methodist, contacted her minister, and he was able to locate a friend who was a Monsignor who was able to marry them. Other than a downpour, no one remembering to bring the bridesmaids to the church and the kneeler falling apart, Beth and Philip were married on May 26, 1984, in Avon, New York. Although there were some snafus, Beth says: “When I look back on the wedding, it was a very nice day.”

It wasn’t that Jolene Soergel didn’t wanted to go down the aisle to marry her intended, Kevin, it was that she couldn’t. Every time she, holding onto her father’s arm, stepped out, she went no where. “I remember being stuck and wondering, why am I not moving?” Jolene said, recalling her wedding day, November 3, 1990, in New Jersey. “It seemed much longer, but for about 30 seconds I was nailed to the floor. Finally, I started yelling,” Jolene said.

Her Uncle Stanley, who was videotaping, trained the camera on her. Not only was he videotaping the bride, he was standing on her train. “We have great pictures of him videotaping me shouting, totally unaware that he was the source of the problem. We still laugh about it,” Jolene said.

Ann and Bob Seibel of Sewickley were married 38 years ago on a beautiful, 50-degree day in February 1969 in St. Louis. “The weather was perfect, but the days preceding were a nightmare,” Ann said. Eight months before the wedding, her four bridesmaids ordered their gowns. A month before the big day, she learned that the manufacturer had declared bankruptcy and the gowns were not available. After considerable negotiation with the manufacturer, he hired a seamstress to make gowns in a fabric that Ann describes as “not quite the right color.” The next hurdle was finding the same pattern in the four different sizes of the bridesmaids.

Two days before the wedding, the gowns were finished, and when the bridesmaids went for their fittings, the sleeves were too long on some and too short on others. Some of the pattern pieces had been switched. “It was so bad,” Ann said, “we didn’t know if we should laugh or cry.”

The seamstress worked feverishly, making the necessary alterations, only finishing the dresses the day before the wedding. Other than having to take back the bow ties the tuxedo shop had sent to the men, which made them look like Groucho Marx, the wedding went as planned. “It wasn’t funny then, but Bob and I can laugh at it now,” Ann said.

The subject of Donna and Bill Melnick’s wedding is always a hot topic. The Ross couple was married on May 10, 1986, at Nativity Church on the North Side. During the service, they planned on lighting a unity candle to signify the joining of their lives. They each took a taper and lit it, intending to light the larger unity candle with their smaller candles.

Bill lit his, but Donna’s candle kept going out. After numerous tries, hers finally ignited with an arc of flame about five inches high, nearly catching the altar cloth on fire. “When I lit it, all I heard was a gasp from everyone in the church, and the next thing I saw was Fr. Horton beating down the flame,” Donna said. “Most people can’t recall the weddings they’ve been to, but my wedding everyone remembers.”

Most brides when sending out thank you cards after the big day can’t write “thank you for humming at my wedding,” but Kellie Piotrowski of Ohio Twp. could. She and hubby, Peter, were married on August 16, 2003, at Epiphany Church downtown. Kellie arrived at the church ready to walk down the aisle, but for some reason the start of the wedding kept being delayed. After waiting in the limousine for 20 minutes for her cue to enter the church, she began to worry. “I wondered if Peter had changed his mind,” Kellie said.

Finally, someone came out and told her that the organist was a no show. “I started to cry,” Kellie said, “but my dad told me to get over it. All that mattered was Peter and how much I loved him.”

Kellie and her father entered the church, with her dreading walking down the long aisle in complete silence. But as she started down it, a cousin, Mary Hartner, saw her and began to hum the Wedding March. “As I passed each pew, the next group took up the humming,” Kellie said.

During the ceremony, someone in the church went outside and found a person off the street who could play the organ. When the music blared at the recessional, Kellie said she startled and everyone laughed.

Afterward, the organist called and apologized repeatedly, as there had been a miscommunication about the wedding date.

Although these weddings didn’t go off without a hitch, the days in their own way were perfect. Kellie perhaps summed it up best: “What happened was wonderfully, beautifully wrong.”

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When “Yes” Should Mean “No!”

By Robert W. Ford, M.D.

The emotion and gravity of the moment is almost heart stopping when faced with the question: “Will you marry me?” Perhaps you feel trapped as if cornered by a lion. You feel like fainting, vomiting or running out the door. Your mind goes blank. Your lips won’t move. You can cut the silence with a knife. You utter a barely audible reflex reply. At this time, better judgment suggests extra time, practical evaluation and some long talks with parents, friends and clergy.

On the “Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?” television show, you are allowed three lifelines: Ask the Audience, Phone a Friend or 50/50. At such a critical turning point in life as a proposal, why not access a lifeline? You need not feel trapped.

Remember, a decision is not required at that very moment. If you need time before making a decision, say so. If you are uncertain FOR ANY REASON, SAY “NO.”

Take as much time as necessary to consult with family or mature individuals who will be absolutely honest with you and help you to clearly evaluate the situation. Put time on your side.

If you are sure when asked, say “Yes” and rejoice in the moment.

I say this because several years ago in a small Nigerian village our medical team, while on a mission trip, was invited to a pre-wedding “bargaining” session between the fathers of the prospective bride and groom. The two fathers and accompanying male friends of the families were seated on the ground in the center of a quiet street. They were engaged in serious negotiations.

Female members of both families, including the bride, were inside nearby houses, peering out the windows. After some time, suddenly out from a door came the groom-to-be and his intended bride. He was very friendly and introduced her to us. She appeared to be about fourteen or fifteen and looked panic stricken and speechless.

I expressed my greetings. She stared straight ahead and did not respond with either her eyes or words. She was terrified. She had no freedom to decide her fate. Had she, she may not have said “YES” when she really meant “NO.”

You do have the freedom. Don’t say “YES” when you really mean “NO.”

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