Things You Should Know Before and After Saying “I Do”

On April 27, we will celebrate 23 years of marriage. Sometimes it’s hard to believe that so many years have passed without either of us throwing in the towel or causing bodily harm.  We are happy to say we are living proof that having a successful marriage can be done despite the fact that so many marriages end in divorce.

Making the decision to unite in Holy Matrimony should not be taken lightly. There are many sacrifices involved when you decide to join lives with another human being in the way that only marriage does. Cohabitation has certainly become a widely practiced alternative; however, most would agree that nothing seals the human bond like marriage.

As we reflect back over the last 23 years of our own marriage, there have been many lessons learned individually and as a couple.  There are many things we would do differently but many that would remain the same. The bottom line is marriage is not for the faint of heart. The institution we call marriage takes commitment and self-sacrifice. Couples must realize that when two imperfect people join together, it creates a less-than-perfect union.  Perfection is always a work in progress.

One might ask: How do you stay happily married until death do us part? The answer is in the word MARRIAGE.  The following are a few tips we have learned in our ongoing quest to have a successful marriage:

Make time for each other – Whether you are newly married or a veteran, life has a way of stealing quality time from your relationship. Couples must designate time exclusively spent with each other.

Agree to disagree – Marriage unites two people who are different. Both people have different thoughts and opinions and will not always agree. You must be willing to respect, not necessarily accept, those differences while still working together.

Reconcile conflicts before they become wars – A biblical proverb says, “Never let the sun go down upon your wrath.”  Quickly bringing resolution to issues prevents long lasting grudges, hurt, anger and bitterness. Unresolved conflict will weaken the relationship and result in irreconcilable differences.

Remember the little things – Saying, “I love you,” helping around the house, preparing a favorite meal, sending flowers or a card, a kiss in the morning, a phone call or an email in the middle of the day are all things that can make your mate feel special.

Intimacy means more than sex – Couples often confuse sex with intimacy. Intimacy is about closeness, safety, trust, transparency and empathy. Intimacy is sharing one’s self and saying, “In –to-me-see.”

Affirm each other – Be quick to compliment and slow to criticize.  Point out one another’s strengths and accomplishments.  Building each other’s self-esteem strengthens the foundation of the relationship.

Grow through mistakes and disappointments – Mistakes do not have to destroy a marriage.  Allow your mate to be imperfect. Be willing to forgive and forget. Mistakes are opportunities for us to learn life lessons and grow.

Expect a life of happiness – When you expect great things, great things will happen. Undoubtedly challenges will come; however, maintaining a positive outlook will improve your chances of life-long happiness with your mate.

Staying married until “Death do us part” is achievable. Great marriages are the result of two people uniting with the intention and determination to continue the journey despite many obstacles, detours, potholes and delays. Remember the journey is also scenic, enriching and exciting!

For more information on this subject and other marriage and family questions or to inquire about counseling, seminars or retreats, contact Transformational Living at (412) 983-2299 or transformation08@gmail.com.

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