The Language of LOVE

By Robert and Michele Tedder

One of the most rewarding experiences of human existence is expressing and receiving love. Feeling loved and demonstrating love is a universal need. Some people are moved when they receive a special card in the mail, others enjoy gifts, still others value time spent with family or friends. No matter what your preference, the language of love has fluency.

In the book, The Five Love Languages, Gary Chapman identifies five primary ways people express and receive love. Dr. Chapman states that the way people express love is not necessarily the way they receive love. Developing love language fluency is essential for achieving fulfilling relationships.  The five
love languages identified by Dr. Chapman are: 

• Words of Affirmation
• Quality Time
• Gifts
• Acts of Service
• Touch

Couples often believe they express love adequately, however speak in different languages. If your spouse prefers to share love through gifts, but you would rather spend quality time, miscommunication occurs. Discovering your spouse’s love language requires time and a willingness to honestly discuss personal preferences for giving and receiving love.  In this process, couples may discover a need to become bilingual.  This means being able to speak your partner’s language by giving love in a way that may be different than the way you would prefer to receive it or give it. 

For example, your spouse may primarily like receiving love through touch; however, you would prefer to give love through gifts. Becoming bilingual means being able to show your spouse love through a hug, kiss or other form of touch before giving flowers, jewelry or other gifts. Articulating love in your spouse’s primary love language will help him/her appreciate other expressions of love that reflect your personal preferences.  Most couples enjoy various expressions of the five love languages. The key is discovering each other’s primary love language and becoming committed to developing fluency in your spouse’s language.

In the next issue, we will further discuss the five love languages and how couples can develop fluency and learn to express and receive love that is fulfilling and well understood.

Rev. Robert Tedder, MSW, Executive Director of Reach Up, Inc. and the Minister of Counseling at Union Baptist Church of Swissvale, is a licensed social worker with 18 years of clinical experience. A graduate of Duquesne University and the University of Pittsburgh, he is an adjunct instructor at the University of Pittsburgh, Site Coordinator for TWOgether Pittsburgh and a marriage coach for The Marriage Works.

A. Michele Tedder, MS, RN is a nursing instructor at UPMC St. Margaret School of Nursing with an 18 year history at Western Psychiatric Institute and Clinic as a nurse clinician and mental health and wellness community educator. She is also a graduate of the University of Pittsburgh and Indiana University of Pennsylvania. Michele is an author, regional speaker and experienced in the area of adolescent depression and suicide. The Tedders are the co-founders of Transformational Living (formerly Household Ministries), a marriage, family and life wellness educational outreach program, and have been married 23 years. They live in White Oak and have three children, Robyn, Ryan and Ross.

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