NC Cover Connection June 2008

By Janice Lane Palko

If you could give your child a magic elixir that would make him or her healthier, wealthier, smarter and happier, would you give it to them?  Of course, you would.  Unfortunately, there is no such magic elixir, but there is something more timeless and elemental that essentially offers the same results—having a loving, stable father involved in a child’s life.

According to statistics and studies compiled by The National Fatherhood Initiative, obese children are more likely to live in father-absent homes, children are five times more likely to be poor in father-absent homes, children without fathers are twice as likely to drop out of school, and children not living with both biological parents have a quadruple risk of having an affective disorder.  Those are just a few of the numerous findings that reveal how essential fathers are.

Not only are good fathers valuable to children, but they are also integral to a good marriage.  Recognizing this correlation, TWOgether Pittsburgh, a coalition of agencies and individuals committed to supporting marriage, has, among its many marriage enrichment programs, developed ones to promote healthy fatherhood, which consequently strengthens marriage. 

“We are finding that if a husband is a better dad, it helps to make a wife a better mom and collectively the marriage and family is better,” said Terry L. Mann, project director for TWOgether Pittsburgh. 

In general, women are more naturally nurturing.  “Moms get a nine-month head start on nurturing as compared to fathers; and often fathers aren’t sure how to define their role,” Mann said.  “Dads model the fathers they had.   If that model was a poor one, they have to unlearn that destructive behavior.  It’s hard work to unlearn something, but considering a father’s impact on a child and his marriage, it is well worth the effort.”

Popular culture doesn’t offer much support to fathers.  Gone are the days of Father Knows Best and such beloved father figures as Pa Ingalls from Little House on the Prairie and Ward Cleaver from Leave it to Beaver.  Today’s culture more often than not portrays fathers in a less-than-favorable light.  Most often they are portrayed as buffoons like Homer from The Simpsons or Ray Barone on Everybody Loves Raymond.  And if they are not being treated as fools, fathers are often regarded as expendable—almost like an accessory—nice if you have one, but not really needed.

“We’ve been celebrating Mother’s Day since 1908, but Father’s Day wasn’t instituted as a national observance by President Nixon until 1972,” Mann observed.

Unfortunately, fathers seemed to have bought into the conventional wisdom.  “Research has shown that dads don’t recognize how important they are in the life of their child,” said Ken MacLeod, director, Parenting TWOgether Pittsburgh. 
However, MacLeod sees things beginning to change.  “I think it’s staring to click with society that dad is more important than just being the butt of all jokes,” he said. 

MacLeod came to TWOgether Pittsburgh after spending four years working with families in the mental health system.  “While helping children with such issues as Autism and Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, I became impressed by how important dads were in providing stability for kids with mental health problems,” MacLeod said.  “If I had both parents involved with their child, it was almost certain that that child had a more optimistic outcome.”

At TWOgether Pittsburgh, MacLeod oversees three marriage enrichment programs for fathers.  The first, Couples with Children, is designed for married parents and helps to build them up as a parenting team and strengthen their family.  The second is the Fatherhood Program.  This program utilizes material developed by the National Fatherhood Initiative. 

Erik Vecere, associate vice president of National Programming for the National Fatherhood Initiative, echoes that strong fathers help to create strong marriages.  “The interesting thing is that in aiding fathers, we’ve come full circle to realize that in turn we are strengthening marriages too,” Vecere said.  “We recognized the need to involve moms because fathers don’t parent in a vacuum.”

Vecere, who is based in Pittsburgh, says the goal of the National Fatherhood Initiative is to help dads be more involved, responsible and committed parents.  “Fathers are a role model for sons and a relational model for their daughters,” he said.  “Boys imitate their fathers and girls learn how to relate to their future husbands by watching how her father treats her mother.  If a father is absent, it’s hard to have a healthy model.”

The National Fatherhood Initiative helps to better prepare dads for this all-important role with a variety of programs.  “Many fathers are appreciative to have the opportunity to learn how to be a better dad, and this in turn helps mom to feel better.  When mom knows her child is in loving and capable hands, she benefits too,” Vecere said.

While fathers are important to marriage, marriage is also important to fathers.  “Certainly marriage is a key indicator of a father’s involvement,” Vecere said.  “The involvement of a father in a child’s life is directly connected to the depth of the relationship with the mother.  The best context for all is a healthy marriage.”

The third program that MacLeod directs is the Step Parent program.  In a step-parenting situation, the marriage partners’ history together is shorter than the one of the parent-child.  Step families are often vulnerable.  “There is less history together and more baggage,” MacLeod said.

TWOgether Pittsburgh offers programs throughout the Pittsburgh area and the response to them have been favorable.  One of the dads in the program remarked to MacLeod, “I never thought I was important.  I grew up without a father.”

MacLeod encourages people to avail themselves of TWOgether Pittsburgh’s resources.  “Healthy, wealthy and wise really has more to do with marriage than going to bed and getting up early,” MacLeod said.  He also explains that TWOgether Pittsburgh is not just for troubled marriages.  “Even good marriages can use maintenance.  You don’t just take your car to the garage when it’s broken but to keep in good shape and running well,” said MacLeod.

For more information on TWOgether Pittsburgh and the programs offered, visit the website at www.twogetherpgh.org.  The National Fatherhood Initiative’s website is www.fatherhood.org.

Back to top